A Man Needs Respect Not Love

Generally speaking, men value being respected more than they do being loved. Men often describe feeling disrespected by their spouses as being more of a problem than not feeling loved. When a man feels disrespected, it can cause him to act in ways that are counterproductive to his relationship goals. For example, he may respond to criticism with anger or defensiveness. He may start to use a sharp, demanding tone of voice or treat his wife like he would his child. These behaviors can make him feel unloved despite the fact that he knows his wife loves him deeply.

If a woman can understand that her husband values being respected more than she does love, then she can begin to act in ways that will uplift her husband rather than causing him to feel disrespected. She can show him respect in many ways:

She can speak kindly to him when he is talking. She can stop what she is doing to greet him when he comes home from work. She can be careful about how she treats him in front of others. She can write him a letter expressing her feelings. She can tell him she loves and respects him.

The idea that wives need to only respect their husbands and that men do not have a need for love is based on the misinterpretation of Ephesians 5:33. In the endnotes of her book Shaunti Feldhahn admits that this is only her theory and that she does not have a Biblical basis for it. A man needs respect not love

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